It seems as though marriage has gotten a bad wrap lately because of feelings and evidence of complacency. I know some women who have acted a certain way, appearing to be the cool girl who likes to watch sports, or being a super sweetie to their significant other until the marriage and wedding happens. That’s when things change and the true colours come out. This happens with many men as well. They “let themselves go.” These are forms of control and manipulation, consciously or unconsciously – whether they realize it or not. (That’s why I stress how important it is to really learn who you are, what you like and what your values are so that everything is up front and, on the table, before big decisions are made. The more you know who you are and what you like and will tolerate, the easier it is to choose the most appropriate partner to live life and grow together.)
Realizing that having “new things” in your life won’t make it all better. I see this with many couples- they decide to have children to “fix” the relationship, forgetting that that adds a whole new element into the relationship which typically drives an even bigger wedge between them.
Falling in Love
Remember when you were first in love:
- You were always present
- Wanted to soak up every second, thought, smell, everything, you were addicted, borderline obsessed
- Give anything for this person
- Heart chakra was so open
- Then started closing with things that that person did/didn’t do
- Started finding faults in them
- Heart chakra started to close.
- They weren’t the perfect person who you thought they were (Marianne willaimson – special relationships)
- When found someone: all chakras are open
- Have the power of solar plexus (power of self)
- Then travel up to heart
- Heart open – have so much love for self and others – can’t give enough – but really you can’t give what you don’t have – now so full of love – able to share self with that lover – all chakras are open when feeling so open – intuition tells you if partner is right for you or want (watch out for the ego).
- Have free flowing energy – insane amounts of energy
- Aura is wide open and large around you – putting out vibes of attraction
- Vibration level will present the person also on that vibration
- Start – base chakra and work way up – base – security
- Sacral – intimacy
10 Characteristics of a Conscious Marriage/Relationship
Hendrix enumerated 10 characteristics of a conscious marriage (or relationship):
- You realize that your love relationship has a hidden purpose: the healing of childhood wounds.
- You create a more accurate image of your partner. As you begin to see your partner not as your savior, but as another wounded human being, struggling to be healed, you begin to recognize his/her truth alongside your own.
- You take responsibility for communicating your needs and desires to your partner.
- You become more intentional in your interactions.
- You learn to value your partner’s needs and wishes as highly as you value your own. You learn to invest more energy in meeting your partner’s needs.
- You embrace the dark side of your personality.
- You learn new techniques to satisfy your basic needs and desires.
- You search within yourself for the strengths and abilities you are lacking.
- You become more aware of your drive to be loving, whole and united with the universe.
- You accept the difficulty of creating a good marriage, realizing that a good marriage requires commitment, discipline, and the courage to grow and change.
12 Characteristics of a Healthy Relationship
To answer these questions, she explores 12 characteristics of a healthy relationship:
- You feel safe with your partner. You know it is okay to make mistakes and still feel accepted and forgiven; you are not concerned your mistakes will be used against you in a future argument.
- You see your partner as a good friend. You like him/her as a person and feel encouraged and supported by him/her.
- You are able to disagree with one other, yet still feel heard and understood.
- You feel you are being treated with respect and are valued.
- You feel your partner is committed to doing whatever it takes to make the relationship work.
- There are never threats to leave, abandon or reject one another.
- There is a willingness to look at the other person’s point of view.
- There is an atmosphere of cooperation, trust and caring.
- You have deep, loving feelings for your partner most of the time.
- You have fun together, and laugh a lot together.
- You bring out the best in each other.
- You can ask for what you want without feeling guilty or selfish.
- And one more for a baker’s dozen: You like to look at and touch your partner.