Go even further and ask yourself some questions for next time (it will happen again and again until you are able to be neutral to the situation.)
- How could I be heard better?
- Should we talk at a different time when we are both calm and open?
- Schedule a day and time to talk about it and prepare yourself for the conversation.
- How was I involved in the conversation, was I trying to get an outcome or was I just speaking to learn more and communicate?
- Did I feel threatened or attacked and how could I be less threatening next time?
- What was my body language when we were speaking? Could I uncross my arms and unfurrow my brow next time?
- Could I stop what I was doing and give this person my full attention?
- Did I cut that person off? Was I respectful during the conversation?
- Did I jump to conclusions before the other person was finished speaking?
- Effective communication is when two people are given the respect and freedom to speak and be heard.
Begin to be better with others at:
- Actively listening to others
- speaking to others
- hearing others
- giving to others
- expressing feelings
- knowing your values, wants and needs
The moral of the story in all of this is to develop and practice communicating with others and to ultimately have mutually beneficial/give and take healthy relationships.
With that being said, if there was a situation when someone was/is being rude, having a cyclical conversation or there was no point to the conversation, it’s time to finish. Ensure that you are calm and safe all the time and if you don’t feel calm or safe, tell the person that you will get back to them (day and time). Give them a day and time so that you’re both not wondering who will get back to the other person first – this removes more questioning, more potential anxiety and worries.
- You are Safe
- Be aware and become the observer of the situation
- Do a body scan and calm your body – you cannot be stressed in a relaxed body
- Do the Beyond Balance 5 Step Process to Reducing Reactivity (https://youtu.be/KPu-edfUM-Q )
- Write down the situation and your observations
- Where were your needs not met?
- What were the triggers? (ie 5 Narratives/Common Fears) Say the affirmations associated with these
- Communicate the situation (if necessary for moving forward) then begin to improve by practicing that area of life toward others (you get what you give) (Stay tuned for week 12 for more on communication.)